Tuesday, May 15, 2012

you probably don't know this about me.



Necklace: BCF, Blouse: Thrifted, Jeans: f21, Shoes: f21, Clutch: H&M


 You probably don't know this about me, but I'm actually extremely shy and awkward in social settings.
I don't think I've always been this way, but over the last couple years I've really piped down.
{You can read more about my journey to overcome this awkwardness here.}
And because of it, I miss out on things.
I'd rather stay home than go to a party, a wedding, or [dare I say it?] CHURCH.
The me you know and see here on Frills is still the real me, but it's the me that feels mostly safe. 
Hiding behind my computer screen.
Pecking my dreams away on these keys.
Assuming you will accept me.
And maybe even like me.
This premeditated, proof-read, edited version of me.
The cyber-Sarah.
In real life, I've pretty much mastered how to appear confident. 
But inside, I'm all jumbly and worried I'm going to say something stupid or--even worse--say nothing at all. 
Awkward silence...
Sometimes it's insecurity, but it's mostly just me trying to find the perfect combination of silly me and serious me. As a pastor's wife, I'm not exactly sure what the peoples want, so I end up keeping to myself. 

These are my jumbled, honest thoughts.
I have a feeling there will be more on this later : )





18 comments:

  1. I love that you opened up about this, you are def. not the only one that feels this way. Whenever I am around new people I am so shy and awkward and tend to over think everything! I am trying to break out of that and force myself to go out and be more social.

    PS. I love that pink top and your shoes!

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  2. I'm the same way, girl! I'm totally shy and awkward and it's hard for me to open up and make new friends. That's why blogging is so awesome. You can be honest, and make bloggy friends without feeling hiding behind those feelings.

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  3. i've noticed the same thing happening to me. i've never been crazy outgoing, but more so i keep to myself than i used to. i 'd rather sleep than do anything. maybe its because i'm tired, but i don't think i can blame it on that.

    k

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  4. I'm also pretty awkward. My husband and friends don't quite get it because I'm all bubbles and sunshine around the people I know already love me, but I turn bright red and get all self concious around people I don't know, especially if I have to keep a conversation going. Ugh. It does stop me from being excited about things that involve a lot of people, and it's a bummer, because if I could just be me in front of them..they might like me too!

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  5. I kind of know how you feel, I may not be the pastor's wife, but I am the pastor's daughter and that can be just as awkward! We've just moved to a new church and sometimes I don't go in the morning just because I know I will have to make small talk with people who know me but that I don't know! (I still go to my old church in the evening so I don't miss out completely) I'm sure you are such a lovely person and you don't need to worry so much :)

    That purse is so awesome!

    Say x
    eighteenthofmay.blogspot.com

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  6. You've always been so lovely in person! I think you are so easy to like that you shouldn't have to worry :) Perhaps being a pastors wife has brought more pressure on you but at the same time, God put you and Ian together for a reason, knowing he would need a wife like you by his side! He knew you were Ian's perfect match and that your personality is what was needed in this role! :)

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  7. I can relate to this myself, I don't know why but I often think too much. Thanks for sharing! You are adorable, love the outfit and love your hair, it looks so silky smooth!

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  8. I feel ya! Its sometimes difficult for me to find a balance sometimes in work and social environments. I hide behind my computer too sometimes but most of the time I can handle it. And sometimes I just don't feel like putting in the effort.

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  9. Sarah, I'm so happy you shared this post. Getting it off your heart and into written words is so important. I would ALWAYS rather stay home than venture into social settings. You are brave, and as a pastor's wife, it must be hard! You are so awesome.

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  10. oh my! I think I know how you feel. those awkward moments. I have them all the time too! but just be you, whoever that is, everyone will love you!

    -kim
    found the route

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  11. I appreciate your honesty here. Well-written, thoughtful, wry, and funny to boot.

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  12. Oh my, It's as if you read my mail! I hear ya, I've been battling the same thing for a few years. I'm loud out spoken and boisterous but get me in a social setting where I've gotta mingle and say something conversationally to "the people" and I freak out. Its all insecurity, a way to silence your voice.
    In fact I had my own cry session with my Hubs this morning about such things. As a pastors wife there are so many preconceived notions as to what you "should be" and "act like". You wanna know what I'm discovering on my recent launch into Pastor Wifedom?
    Toss out the window what you think you ought to be and give yourself permission to be you!
    Because here's the truth, when God packed your personality bag He had in mind where He would plant you & the people He'd put in your path to shine the healing light of Jesus on.
    Who you are & your passionate pursuit to be made more into the image of Christ is just what the people need from you! Be encouraged! You. are. enough.

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  13. Wow a lot of support for you here, and everyones response makes me feel better too! I'm crazy shy and definitely can be socially awkward. Its easy to talk to people and spill your guts while you have time to think about what you want to say behind a computer screen, instead of when you are in front of other people.
    Keep it up girl!
    xo, KathrynLaine.
    http://kathrynlaine.blogspot.com

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  14. I think the older I get the less social I am...But you never know on what amazing friendships can be out there..:-)

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  15. I love reading your blog Sarah! It's so refreshing and honest. I hope you're doing well!

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  16. You certainly don't look like a wall flower. What a pretty shirt.

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  17. i know what you mean, sometimes i have to force myself to be sociable i'm ok during the day, but at night i just want to sit in my PJ's and read or watch tv x

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  18. I know where you're coming from girl!
    But I remember you when you were a little kid, you were so friendly and crazy and SOOO FUNNY! I love that Sarah :) And I love looking of pictures of you with Ian cause you can see that Sarah is still around too! Don't worry what people want to see (I know its easier to do than to say) Just be yourself, cause I know silly Sarah and serious Sarah and the combination of them both is just perfect! I love when you're crazy and funny! Youre so much fun!
    I love you girl!

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