Sweater: Forever 21, Skirt: San Soucci, Flats: Urban Outfitters, Watch: American Exchange-BCF
I don't know if it's because I'm deep in thought about becoming a mom in 13 weeks or just because my hormones have been out of whack for the last 27, but I feel like I'm more serious when I'm pregnant.
And I pretty much hate that.
I used to be much funnier and light hearted. Still deep, but more fun.
I just feel like I'm boring and no fun these days and maybe even a little bit brain dead.
I'm sure you've figured out by now that pregnancy isn't really my thing, and although I feel incredibly blessed to have life growing within me (trust me, I DO!!), I just don't feel like me.
Everything about my body is different. And now I'm realizing that my spirit has slightly dulled in the last few months.
Not to mention, my life is about to change FOREVER.
I hear it's worth it, and I'm certain it will be.
But pregnancy has been incredibly awkward for me and that's my real story.
I used to feel bad that I didn't love being pregnant-- as if it reflected the kind of mother I would become.
A mother that doesn't love being a mother.
But I know I'll be obsessed with that little boy the moment he arrives!
I used to feel bad (or rather, let other people make me feel bad) for not choosing to do a natural birth.
I haven't decided completely against it, but I just want to see how I feel when I get there.
I know to some of you experienced natural birth-ers that seems completely naive, but for me it works. And who knows? Maybe I'll be able to make it without the epidural.
But also maybe not.
And I'm OK with that.
I used to feel bad that the idea of breast feeding totally freaks me out.
Yes, I know it is best for the baby.
Yes, I will be feeding my baby breast milk (hopefully).
But I plan on using a bottle as soon as possible for multiple reasons.
Because that's what I think will work best for me.
I love when people are passionate about how they want to do things, but sometimes I let them bully me.
Some women really do believe that there is one right way and all the other ways are wrong/harmful, and I'm just not one of them.
All I know is me and when it comes to pregnancy and parenting and everything in between, my husband and I just need to make the best decisions that we can for us.
Sorry to get so deep and down, but that's honestly how I've been feeling inside lately and I just want to keep things real here.
Also, I want to say a genuine "thank you" to all of your encouragement along the way! I really hope you don't think of me as a needy, insecure blogger that talks about how ugly I feel just to reach for compliments in the comments, but I feel like no one ever told me that sometimes pregnancy isn't all glowy and stuff. Your compliments mean so much to me now more than ever, so
THANK YOU FOR BEING SO GREAT
AND HELPING ME THROUGH THIS EMO SEASON
And I promise I won't talk about pregnancy as much anymore.
Although, there have been some pretty hilarious stories that have come from it : )